Why can’t I stop thinking negative things about my body?

Human brains have a deeply-ingrained bias for self-protection - the fight-flight-freeze instinct is strong, no matter how zen you are. If you are wondering whether or not there’s a danger lurking - like a lion outside your cave - you are served well, evolutionarily speaking, by assuming there IS a lion outside, and operating under that assumption and preparing for the lion to attack. If no lion, great. If there is a lion - you’re prepared for it. 

There was a 2006 study conducted by Yale’s Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity that discovered that between 15%-30% of respondents would rather get divorced, give up the option of having children, be depressed or be addicted to alcohol than be obese. Five percent said they’d rather lose a limb than be fat. Being or becoming fat is our modern day lion-outside-the-cave. 

Unchallenged institutional and interpersonal shaming of fat people is the norm in our culture, so it makes sense that people would be deathly afraid of gaining weight or staying fat. 

We also know that 95-98% of people who pursue intentional weight loss below their natural setpoint weight range regain the weight within five years (most within two years), and ⅔ gain back more than their starting weight. 

When confronted with diets’ failure rate most people deny it. Why? Because we also have a powerful work ethic in our culture that treasures “defying the odds”, and looks down on people who throw up their hands and give up when faced with insurmountable barriers. Complex ideas like institutionalized racism and classism (and weight stigma) don’t jibe with our religious fervor around individual freedom and ability to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps. 

These three factors: 1) our natural negative bias, 2) the horrific consequences of being fat in our culture, and 3) our belief that anyone can defy the odds all contribute to the persistence of Diet Culture, which is to say, the persistence of the belief - for which there is no scientific evidence - that people have control over their body size. 

So what does this have to do with “negative body thoughts”? 

We can intellectually grasp the futility of dieting (if you’re having trouble with this part, I highly recommend Christy Harrison’s new book “Anti-Diet”). And once we understand that people cannot control their body size (and that efforts to do so result in permanent weight gain), we can pretty easily take the next step which is to really see the (fixable) social justice issues fat people face- lower pay and fewer job options, in-accessible airplane and public transportation seats, doctors who only prescribe weight loss instead of treating the actual problems, total lack of access to fertility treatments, no appropriate chairs in waiting rooms, loved ones and strangers making abusive comments, the news media blaming fat people for rising medical costs, etc. 

Ok, so we’ve got those two pieces in place. 

So why, when I look in the mirror, do I still believe that I’m fat, ugly and that I lack willpower? Why can’t I stop the negative thinking that inevitably leads to planning a new diet (or lifestyle, or clean eating plan, or cleanse, or re-set, or intermittent fasting experiment)? 

This is our hard-wired, human-animal negative bias at play. We are mentally preparing for the world to shame us, so if it happens we can deal with it. Negative body thoughts have spurred us to diet in the past, and we’ve usually lost weight in the past because of those thoughts. Now, we also know that we regained that weight eventually, but our brain still thinks the thoughts served a self-preserving function. It’s a neural pathway that - depending on how many times you’ve “successfully” dieted in the past - is super deeply ingrained. 

The good news is that you CAN change these thought patterns. You have the remarkable ability to shift your focus and retrain your brain. 

It will feel artificial at first. You will wonder if you’re “just fooling yourself”. But with practice you will notice that these thoughts come up less and less. And body peace and freedom -- meaning, the total absence of these thoughts -- takes hold. 

First, you practice noticing the thoughts. You observe. Take some time (a couple of weeks) and just note every time you have a negative body thought. Maybe jot each instance down in a small notebook. 

Second, you start interrogating the thoughts: is this true? Does this thought support me? How will this thought help me? Who profits off of me thinking this thought? If I listen to this thought, what will I do about it? Will I diet again? Where will that lead me? Is it worth it for temporary weight loss that may also cause long term weight gain, damage to my metabolism and potential damage to my cardiovascular system and other organs? Are the risks worth it?

Now, if you are happy with just achieving body acceptance and neutrality (i.e., the absence of negative crap running through your head), then you can achieve that without replacing the thoughts at all. You can just notice the thoughts, interrogate the thoughts, and then move on with your day. But if you want to get into total, radical body love (which I recommend), then you dig down and come up with powerful body-positive thoughts to practice instead of the negative ones. 

“My body knows what it’s doing”

“My body is a miraculous thermostat that will regulate my food intake for me.”

“My body loves me and wants me to love it back”

“My body is worthy of love, acceptance and awesome clothing”

“My body is what it is, and I will love it for just being.”

“I’m willing to fight for my body’s right to exist in this world.”

You get the idea. You need to come up with these on your own - my words worked for me, your words will work for you. :)